Someone Else’s Left Overs

The never ending debate of right or wrong

As I wrote in a previous post, I live on a small island. Its one of those places where the minute a name comes up in conversation, you automatically think of some indirect link you have to that person, like your mother’s colleagues son’s friend or your hairdresser’s niece’s cousin, even if you don’t know them too well. It’s a bit like the London Underground. Somehow, everyone is connected.

Since we all date people from the same connected network, we all end up dating the same people. Everyone is someone’s ex and that someone could be someone we consider a friend. So how acceptable is it to date a friends ex? Is there some sort of social rule we’re supposed to follow? Do you even want to date someone who someone you know trashed?

There’s no rule. If there was a rule, we’d all know it. (We wouldn’t necessarily follow it, but yeah we’d know it)

And this is where your judgement comes in. Look at the situation from a far and look at the ripple effect repercussions your next move will make. Here is were you need to ask your self the essential question.

Is it worth it ?

And I’m not talking about a great sex on a one night stand kind of worth it. Because if that’s the case, and you consider his ex “a friend”, you don’t need me to tell you, it’s not. But all things change in the face of love. All rules are momentarily put on hold and allowed to be broken. If you think you might actually love him eventually, and he you. I say go for it.

To get to the one night stand thing, or a couple of weeks of summer fun, people have diverse opinions on this. If you’ve decided to take this attitude towards him then you need to take the don’t give a shit attitude towards her. Because she’s not going to pardon you for sleeping with her ex just for the thrills, but she may pardon you for falling for him just like she once did. If you’re going to do this you need to go into it with the mindset that you’re not bothered what people think. It’s a free country. A free world even. And you should be allowed to fuck who you like as long as you can handle the shit talk. Whether people judge you for it is completely up to the way you handle it. They can’t judge you if you don’t let them.

That’s the way I see it. I can’t really pin point just one situation in my life where this has been a problem. But I could solidly say that it’s almost always been an issue. Be it my friend from my old summer job’s ex, my cousin’s ex from 3 years ago, or worse, my neighbour’s ex (lol that’s Malta for you, been there done that and do not recommend). Sometimes in the situation you just have to take the risk and see where it takes you. If we didn’t date people who had exes that we knew on this island, we’d keep our first boyfriend for the rest of our lives (dear god please no).

I’m all for girl code but exceptions can be made and look how far the line is before you cross it.