Photo by Charles 🇵🇭 on Unsplash

Sex Education In Malta

Or more appropriately, the lack of it

I live on Catholic island. Went to a Catholic school. Was taken to church on Sundays and made to say “grace” before every meal. So you can basically say I was your classic catholic gal raised to think that sex is solely for marriage and reproduction purposes. I was convinced to believe the premise that sex = bad and as I was growing up, I never questioned nor doubted this premise.

The first form of sex education I received was from my mother who brought out a book, with many questionable pictures, called something like “The Birds and The Bees” or “Where Do Babies Come From?”. She sat me on her bed one afternoon in attempt to talk to me about sex before anyone else could. I sat there incredibly uncomfortably pretending I hadn’t heard a distorted version of everything she was saying from my inexperienced friends or PG-13 movies. She started by explaining to me the basic stuff about periods and tampons and then moved on to how boys get “excited” (this is an actual word that she used to refer to a hard on) closing it off with a quick summary of penetration, and never brought it up again.

The second time I gained some knowledge of sex was from Page 62 of my school Science book. If you don’t know about page 62 of the Science book, you must be from a different era (or probably just went to a different school). Everyone knew about page 62 from an older sibling or someone from the year above they met in detention. And those who didn’t know about it were tricked into opening their book on this page and being faced with pictures of penises and vaginas. We all dreaded the day that it was time for us to reach page 62 with our teacher in class and be forced to sit in our co-ed classroom and listen to our middle-aged nerdy science teacher explain to us how the sperm and ovum join together to form a fertilised egg during sexual intercourse.

Simultaneously to learning about reproduction in Science class, our PSD lessons were also sex related. It seems as though our PSD and Science teacher worked together on this. Fortunate for my awkward 12 year old self, but not fortunate to my current fight against the taboo on sex, we were split into two classes according to gender. Whilst the girls were taken into a separate room with our female PSD teacher to be “taught” (emphasis on the inverted commas) about sex and contraception, boys were taken into a different room and given lessons by our old and grumpy headmaster. What I’d give to be a fly on the wall and witness a 60 year old man try to talk to 12 year old boys about sex.

Our sex education in PSD was very limited. No actual teaching was done by the teacher. We were given a hand out with a list of types of contraception and asked to work in groups to research about their use and side affects. That was it. So I was sent into the world with notes I took from Wikipedia or the NHS Website. As does every normal 12 year, I savoured this paper full of advice and wisdom and I now refer back to it every time I’m about to engage in a sexual act. (If you can’t detect my sarcasm here you need to re-evaluate your sense of humour). It was a group project just like any other. One we copied word for word from the internet and never looked at again once it was over.

So insight of the lack of sex education I received growing up. Here are some things I think could have been done differentlt.

I wish that …

1. … we were taught how to put a condom on. Even though this isn’t usually a woman’s job I feel like this is a beneficial skill to have. Something so simple but if I was handed a condom and asked to put it on a man I would feel uncomfortable and wouldn’t really know how to do it. How am I supposed to hold my ground and insist on a guy wearing a condom if I can’t even put it on myself? How do you promote preventing unwatned pregnancies without promoting this skill?
2. … we were more encouraged to use female condoms. I’ve heard about in movies but I am clueless as to where I can get my hands on these. Why do they sell condoms for men and tampons for women in the bathrooms of clubs? Where my female condoms at? Where can I purchase a box of female condoms rather than using the dodgy condoms guys have used with me? I would feel so much safer and have my mind so much more at rest if I was the one wearing the condom during sex. At the end of the day, I’m the one who’s at risk of having a baby not the man with the condom on.
3. … we were told that we should pee after having sex (especially if a condom wasn’t worn) in order to avoid contracting a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). Did you know that women have a shorter urinary tract than men and so it’s easier for us to get a UTI? Because I sure as hell didn’t and I definitely learnt this lesson the hard way. Peeing after sex helps to flush out bacteria before can travel to the bladder. There’s no fixed time period in when you need to do this. I’m in no way telling you to get up and pee right after you’ve had sex and ruin the mood. Just nip to the loo in good time to prevent possible very uncomfortable infections and being forced to drink gallons of water and cranberry juice (even though I don’t think cranberry juice actually helps).
4. … we talked more about lube. I wish that lube was given more importance and was more appreciated. Speaking from my own experience I haven’t experimented enough with lube. My first few sexual interactions were rather painful and I feel like these experience could have been enhanced with the use of a lubricant. Maybe it was just the situation I was in, other peoples first times may have been different, but had I known more about lube at the time and it wasn’t such a taboo for girls to bring this stuff, I’d have provided some myself. But think about how judged I’d be if I carried lube around in my little handbag.
5. … we were more educated about the morning after pill. I speak with pride when I say that my conservative catholic country recently legalised the purchase of the morning after pill from any pharmacy. And although the pill costs about 18 euros, it’s legalisation is a step in the right direction. The legalisation of this pill has increased the choice for women but potentially made us more irresponsible . I’m sure many women are guilty of having used the excuse “I’ll just take a pill in the morning”. Although I’m a growing woman in the 21st Century who can read anything online within a matter of seconds, girls, and boys, should be taught about the morning after pill and it’s side affects, like how it increases the risk for breast cancer. Such things should be common knowledge.
6. … visits to the GU Clinic were a regular activity for everyone (that is sexually active). Even though the waiting list for the GU Clinic in Malta is about 2 months at the moment, getting tested should be a regular thing that people having sex with different partners shouldn’t feel ashamed of. The majority of people I know and hang around with have never been tested and are unaware of how important it is. All it takes is a simple phone call, make an appointment that suits you, go there, answer some questions, piss in a cup, and hear back a week later. My experience at the GU clinic was one a speak very highly of, the 5 members of staff (too few to keep up with what should be a high demand of clients) were all very friendly and free of the judgement that is often feared and expected. Here’s the direct number for the clinic: +356 2545 7494, and here’s the number you need to call for an appointment: +356 2122 7981. Do it out of respect for yourself and all your sexual partners.

Even though I do have a lot of complaints about the lack of sex education in my country, maybe figuring all this out myself is part of growing up. Rather than being taught not to have sex, I should have been taught about how to have sex responsibly. Contrary to what adults seem to think, teaching me to have safe sex doesn’t encourage me to have more sex, it just makes me aware of the necessary precautions and risks. I’d choose knowledge and experience over ignorance and abstinence any day.