Please Don’t Say You Love Me

If you’re not going to show it. (Personal #2)

You don’t truly love me. You wouldn’t know love if it hit you in the face. I’m not claiming that I, at 20 years of age, know what love is, nor do I need it, but I’m sure as hell that this isn’t it.

Love isn’t texting me ‘Love you’ once a day after making no effort to see me, knowing our time together is limited. Love isn’t being unaffected by my sadness. Love isn’t going out and partying whilst I’m sad without you, and coming home and acting like everything’s fine. Love isn’t hearing my problems, but not really listening to them. Love isn’t what you’re showing me right now.

You find an element of comfort in loving me. You feel proud of yourself when you say it. ‘Love you!’ As though you’re finally able to feel some kind of emotion towards someone else. As though it makes you a good person just because you’re telling someone you love them. So in that way, you don’t just love yourself. A self reassurance that you possess the capability to feel for others.

Saying you love me over and over doesn’t make me believe it. Hell, I don’t even need to hear it once! I just need to feel it. To feel loved by you. To feel like there’s someone, anywhere, who genuinely loves me. An unconditional acceptance of all my flaws. Someone who’s willing to cross the world just for me. Someone who puts me first. Which brings me to my next point.

Sacrifices. Love is full of them. What have you sacrificed? That’s right. Nothing. It’s the ultimate self test of knowing whether you truly love someone. If you’re willing to make any kind of sacrifice for them. And I’m not just referring to the major one off sacrifices, the little daily sacrifices are important too. Amending your lifestyle to fit it with mine. And not doing the things that I don’t approve of. Growing into the person I need you to be, and wanting to be that person. Wanting to do whatever makes me happy, at all costs. Doing whatever it takes.

You might think you do. But believe me, you don’t.

So stop lying to me. And stop lying to yourself.