Expiration Dates
The Pros and Cons
It’s become a regular joke amongst my friends to ask something on the lines of, ‘So when’s he leaving the country?’ whenever I say I’m into a new guy. I don’t always date guys who are leaving the country, but when I do, I fall for them, hard.
Everyone remembers that guy I dated that was moving to America 2 months after we met. Or the guy that was divorced who was actually from London and went there for all the holidays and every possible weekend break he could squeeze in. There was also that guy I liked that got a waterpolo scholarship in the US. Or the one who got chosen for an exchange programme on the other side of the continent. So boys, if you’d like to travel, all you have to do is make me fall for you.
I can’t help but wonder. Did these definite expiration dates attract me and intrigue me in some way? Or am I just super unlucky?
The Pros
- After experiencing not-so-much luck in love I think I might have gone sour to the idea of it. Avoiding it at all costs and using self defence mechanisms to ensure that I don’t get sucked into it with the possibility that my heart will get broken yet again. The expiration date factor is a solid excuse for not falling too hard for a guy. ‘You can’t fall for him too hard because he’s leaving and that’s not an option.’ (Although, I don’t always manage to convince myself that it’s not an option). Having the fact that he’s leaving constantly at the back of my mind is a constant alarm bell that I can’t get too attached.
- Due to the small size of the island I live on, bumping into people you’ve dated almost happens on a daily basis. And believe me, you could leave your house 364 days a year looking like absolute flames. But that 1 day when you quickly run out of the house to grab some milk or pick up your chinese order, there he is, looking at you in your bun, sweatpants and that promotional tshirt you got at a fundraiser which has a tomato stain on it that’s been there for weeks. If you date a guy that’s leaving the country, there are none of these ground-please-swallow-me-up moments. All he can see is what you post on your social media, which is only what you want him to see, in the way you choose to portray yourself.
- Another advantage of dating guys that are leaving the country is the complete elimination of the awkward ending if things aren’t working out. Say you’re dating for a month, and you’ve got to know him and you realise you’re just not that into him. His time on the island is nearing an end. So what’s the use in having the awkward ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ conversation when you can just wait until it’s time for him to leave and you’ll be free. It was lovely to meet you hun x.
The Cons
- And this is when the feelings kick in. When you have to say goodbye to the guy you knew you shouldn’t have got attached to, but did. No matter how much you try to fight it, attachment is what it is and its not something you have control over.
Now what? You like him and he’s leaving. How are you going to play this? You’re walking on eggshells.
It’s always hard to get a guy you’re casual with to talk about long distance. If he’s moving to a new place, he might not want to have ties to the old place. Dating is a great way to getting to know new people in new countries. It would also be a lot of you to ask of him. To be exclusive to you from miles away when you’re simply dating casually here and you might come across as being clingy and attached.
Maybe its too soon to discuss a relationship. Maybe its too soon to discuss anything. You might just have to be passive and see what happens. Staying in touch might hurt, but what if you’re not ready to let go. What if he’s not on the same page.
And then there’s the pain which follows once he’s gone. Being forcefully dragged apart from the ‘guy of your dreams’ or the ‘love of your life’. Out of your control. There’s nothing you can do to stop him. Life goes on. Life doesn’t stop for love. No matter how much you want it to.
