A Series of ‘Make-Up’ Dinners

Trying to pass off as a real relationship

‘I’m sorry about the fight we had. Want to go out for dinner tomorrow?’

Two sentences I was sick of hearing. He threw them around like dirty laundry on the bedroom floor. As though it was enough to make up for what he had done. How he had made me feel. Shutting me out, not including me in his life and practically forgetting my existence for a couple of days. Then apologising and trying to make up for it by taking me out for dinner.

At the beginning of our relationship, this used to work on me. He’d spend a week getting on my last nerve and pushing all of my buttons. Cancelling our Friday night movie plans to play poker with the guys. Or ditching me for a social event because he’s ‘too tired’ to go out (after a long hard day of sitting on his ass and doing jack shit). He’d book a romantic table at an over priced restaurant and ask me if I’m free on a particular day. Coming across as though he’s taking an interest in the relationship and making an effort to see me.

I was flattered of course. 18 year old me. Getting all dressed up and putting on some make up to be taken out for a romantic dinner by the guy I was completely infatuated by. We’d sit at the table for hours and I’d appreciate how the light from the candle hits his face at the best possible angle. I’d think to myself how blessed I was to have found someone as gorgeous and as patient as him. Someone who can put up with all my over reacting and is willing to take me out for dinner after a whole week of fighting.

This was great the first couple of times. I got to go to all the over the top romantic restaurants, some even twice, and I loved getting all dressed up and spending time with him in such a romantic atmosphere. But as that excitement faded, so did my belief to his bluff.

This is when I began to realise the pattern.

He does something which hurts me — I get upset — I probably overreact a little — He sees my point, feels bad — Gives me some time to calm down — Takes me out for dinner — Repeat.

That’s not how a relationship works. That’s a never ending cycle of ‘Make Up’ dinners trying to fix the fact that things just aren’t working out. A signal of the fluctuating effort into the relationship, and his fluctuating interest in me.

Its sucks how the things we once loved so much, turn into things we resent once we realise the meaning behind them.